


The Misadventures of the Press-Heaths

by pbjotter



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Family, F/F, I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm Sorry, I'm so sorry, Someone stop me, USWNT, but also send me requests, i swore i'd never ship real people, yet here I AM
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-25 00:58:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19735162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pbjotter/pseuds/pbjotter
Summary: A slice-of-life fan fiction full of random scenes from the lives of the Press-Heaths, a blended family made up of Tobin, Christen, and their daughters Lindsey and Mal.aka domestic!au





	The Misadventures of the Press-Heaths

**Author's Note:**

> I drank too much coffee today and I’m feeling a little high thanks to the USWNT’s WC win, so now all of my delusional headcanons are bubbling to the surface...I already hate myself for even thinking of doing this but if enough people want it, I'll give the people what they want!
> 
> This idea was inspired by @aj521z on tumblr, who brought this family to my attention. Thanks, you've created a monster.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Press-Heath fam formally meets Lindsey’s new girlfriend, Emily Sonnett, who just so happens to be in Beta Alpha Pi, the same sorority Tobin was in back in college.

The Beta Alpha Pi house is the most notorious house on sorority row. It’s not because of the endless amounts of noise that spew from the house on a nightly basis. Surprisingly, it’s not the bright orange coat of paint that covers the door. No, it’s the people in the house that give Beta Alpha Pi its reputation. All of the girls in Beta are, for lack of a better word, frat bros. Every last one of them.

Samantha Mewis? She’s always skipping class due to the fact that she’s constantly nursing hangovers. Her roommate Emily Sonnett is no different...until now.

It’s a Thursday evening--the unofficial start of the weekend for most of the student population. Sam’s getting ready to go out. Sonnett is getting ready to go out, too, but the two roommates won’t be ending up at the same destination tonight.

“8 weeks? I think that’s the longest relationship in Beta history” Sam says as she sits on the edge of her bed and bends down to put on her black velvet heels. Sonnett has always admired how Sam was always up for wearing heels despite the fact that she’s a literal giraffe.

“Well things are different with Lindsey,” Sonnett says with a smile. Sam listens attentively with a small smirk on her face as she adjusts the straps on her heels. Sonnett “She makes me wanna actually do something with my life and with my future-” she stops herself from gushing over Lindsey too much in order to spare herself from Sam’s teasing. “Anyway, that onesie looks great. The color really brings out your eyes.” Sonnett leans back onto her bed, placing her hands behind her head.

Sam stands up and checks herself out in the mirror while letting out a small laugh. “Sonnet, for the millionth time, it’s a jumpsuit, not a onesie. And don’t try to change the subject, you’re totally whipped for that girl. You’re meeting her family after like, what, two months of being together? I’m still in shock.”

Sonnett sits up a little and sighs. “She wants to get it over with.”

“Well that sounds like a red flag,” Sam replies curtly as she runs her hands through her hair to give it a messy look.

“No, you don’t get it,” Sonnett shoots back as she sits up fully at the foot of her bed. She feels the need to stand up for her girlfriend of 8 weeks. “She’s just super nervous.”

Before Sam can reply, Sonnett’s phone is buzzing and their conversation ends abruptly.

“She’s here,” Sonnett says, standing up quickly as her thumbs fly across the screen. “Wish me luck,” she says with a salute while she exits the bedroom door.

Sam, still a little confused by this whole situation, manages a small wave as her roommate zooms past her. “Don’t fuck it up!”

_____________________________

“Babe, if you’re feeling this nervous, maybe we should just cancel this. I’m really, really good at making excuses.” Sonnett says as she places her hand on Lindsey’s right knee.

Lindsey is shaking so much that she can barely keep the steering wheel straight. She’s usually a great driver (Tobin and Christen rewarded Lindsey and Mal with fancy BMWs since they both passed their drivers tests on the first try), but she seriously can’t help it. According to the GPS, they’re about 7 minutes away from her childhood home. Lindsey obviously knows the way to her own house, but she has a habit of keeping the maps app open to get her exact ETA, although that seems to be backfiring because it’s just making her more nervous.

“No, I have to get this over with.” Sonnett rubs small circles on Lindsey’s knee as she continues. “I thought waiting a little longer would be better, but my parents are starting their company and they’re gonna have a lot on their plate,” Lindsey replies as she prepares to make a left turn off of the main road. 4 minutes to go.

“Yeah, what’s that all about?” Sonnett says as she sits back in her seat. Lindsey immediately misses the warmth from her girlfriend’s hand on her knee.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Lindsey replies with a small laugh.

“Ah, there it is!” Sonnett gushes as she pinches Lindsey’s cheeks. “I haven’t seen you smile all night.”

Lindsey slows to a stop as the traffic light turns red. She’s finally able to take her eyes off the road and sink back into her seat a little. She turns her head to the side and feels butterflies form in her stomach at the sight before her.

“Emily, I love your crazy antics, your loud personality, you in general-”

Lindsey’s voice is drowned out by the thoughts rushing into Sonnett’s head. Did Lindsey just admit to loving her? Sure it wasn’t direct, but it still counts, right? The slightly frantic tone in Lindsey’s voice brings Sonnett back to the present moment.

“-so could you please not wear your Beta Apple Pie sweatshirt tonight? I just don’t want them to get the wrong impression, especially Christen.”

Sonnett immediately takes off her sweatshirt and tosses it into the back seat. She grabs Lindsey’s hand and kisses it softly. “Ok, for you, I’ll reject my Beta identity just for tonight.”

A wave of relief rushes over Lindsey as she gives Sonnett a wholehearted smile as the shorter girl leans in for a kiss. Their lips touch for a fraction of a second when a loud honk puts it to an end. The green glow on Sonnett’s face lets Lindsey know that the light’s green. They share one last quick peck before Lindsey puts her foot on the gas. She’s feeling a little better already. One more minute.  
_____________________________

Any ounce of reassurance Lindsey had is gone as she pulls up into the driveway to see Mal’s silver BMW in the driveway.

“Oh god, I thought Mal had choir practice tonight,” Lindsey says under her breath as she takes off her seatbelt.

“What was that, babe?” Before she can get an answer, Lindsey is already hopping out of the car, trudging over to meet Mal as she emerges from her car.

“Oh my god, you look so nervous right now,” Mal laughs as she pulls out her phone and gets ready to snap this moment.

“What the hell, Mal?! I thought you said you couldn’t make it tonight.” Lindsey says as she pushes Mal’s phone down.

“What? I thought you’d be happy to see me,” Mal laughs, “Hey Sonnett, what’s wrong with her?” Mal asks jokingly as Sonnett walks over and places her hand on the small of Lindsey’s back.

“She was freaking out earlier because apparently, the fact that I’m a Beta might not be a good thing to reveal on a first meeting with Tobin and Christen.”

“Lindsey, are you serious? Why would they care?” she asks as she leans on the hood of her car.

“Ok, when Sonnett’s wearing her letters, what’s the first thing you notice?”

“Aside from the fact that I’m irresistible, of course” Sonnett adds with a wink.

“Hmm, probably that she’s a Beta Apple Pie frat bro,” Mal responds without a second thought, confirming Lindsey’s worries.

“Exactly!” Lindsey says through a desperate sigh.

“Damn, people really do call us that, huh?” Sonnett thinks out loud.

“No offense, Sonnet” Mal replies as Sonnett shrugs. Mal continues, “Lindsey, you don’t have to worry.” She starts heading to the front door and calls over her shoulder, “They already know.”

Lindsey is left frozen and dumbfounded for a moment, but quickly catches up to Mal and grabs her shoulder. “What? How?!”

“I may or may not have accidentally told them?” Mal’s voice goes a little high as she admits to her apparent sin.

Lindsey’s starting to freak out. If they already knew, why didn’t they mention anything? Is this a good sign? Is this a trap? “How do you accidentally tell them?! How does that just come up in a conversation?”

“I promise you, there’s nothing to worry about,” Mal says in an attempt to reassure her.

“You don’t know that-”

“Does this mean I can wear my sweatshirt?” Sonnett asks in a sing-songy voice. She’s overshadowed by the bickering siblings and takes that as permission.

None of the girls realize what’s in store.  
_____________________________

The scene before Lindsey is not at all what she was expecting and all she can do is stand back and watch.

Christen walks over to her laughs in disbelief. “I honestly never thought I’d see this side of Tobin ever again.”

Tobin is decked out in sweatpants, a sweatshirt, and a beanie--all donning the Greek letters ΒΑ𝛱.

“Why was I never aware of this? Why am I not even surprised? Do I even wanna know what they’re doing right now?”

Lindsey looks on as Tobin and Sonnett start up what sounds like a cult-like chant while Mal is losing her shit capturing all of this on Snapchat.

“I guess this is a Beta family reunion now?” Lindsey half-asks, but mostly laughs.

“Honestly, all of that stuff was supposed to be locked away forever.” Christen shudders and Lindsey laughs. “I’m just thinking of all the drunken nights and bad decisions that are linked to all of…” Christen gestures to the middle of the living room where the Betas, along with Mal, are doing some sort of swag-surf,”...that.”

A little later in the evening, the impromptu family reunion is still going on. Tobin has her feet in Christen’s lap, which leaves the couple taking up the whole couch. Mal is fine chilling on the floor while Sonnett sits on the arm of the chair Lindsey’s in.

“Is the front door still orange?” Tobin asks with a genuine tone of curiosity in her voice.

“Dude, of course! And everyone keeps calling us Beta Apple Pie,” Sonnett replies as if she’s catching up with an old friend.

“Ok, that’s a new one” Tobin laughs. “You know what, we should make an apple pie.”

“Oh my god, yes!” Sonnett practically yells at the genius proposition.

“I’m actually down” Mal chimes in.

“Why not,” Lindsey laughs as Sonnett pumps a fist in the air.

“Chris?” Tobin wiggles her feet in Christen’s lap and waits for a response.

In the Press-Heath family, anyone can propose whatever they want. Realistically speaking, nothing is really confirmed until Christen has a say.

Christen rolls her eyes jokingly at Tobin, “Duh! How could I say no?”  
_____________________________

A burnt, untouched apple pie sits next to a mostly eaten store-bought pie on the kitchen counter. In the excitement of having Sonnett over, Tobin thought it would be a good bonding experience to try and make the pie from scratch. That plan was obviously a flop, and Christen and Mal made the wise decision to pick up an actually edible pie before the store closed.

The family’s all crowded spread around the living room as the TV plays some reruns of House Hunters. Mal, Lindsey, and Sonnett are sprawled out on the floor scrolling through their phones and trying out different Snapchat filters.

Meanwhile, the wives are heavily invested in this episode.

“I’m telling you, house number two is the best option. Sure it’s basically a shack, but it’s within their budget and they can make some DIY projects out of it,” Tobin exclaims as Christen shakes her head.

“Tobs, no. Just no. You haven’t even seen house number three yet!”

“Hey, so as fun as this house hunters marathon is, I think it’s best that we head out now,” Lindsey interjects before this House Hunters debate goes any further.

“Aw, already?” Tobin whines, forgetting all about the very riveting House Hunters episode. “I mean, it’s not like you’re going to class tomorrow,” Tobin jokes.

“Oh c’mon, Tobs, I’m sure you’ll see Emily around,” Christen says as she shoves Tobin playfully with her shoulder.

“Oh please, call me Sonnett!” she says as Lindsey pulls her up off the floor.

Christen laughs, “Ok, well on that note, ignore everything she just said and stay in school Sonnet.”

Tobin and Christen give the girls a hug as they all say their goodbyes at the front door.

The girls walk down the driveway towards their cars.

Mal unlocks her door and turns to Lindsey. “I’ll see you at the apartment, later yeah?” Mal asks, “unless you’re spending the night with Miss Apple Pie over here” she teases, poking Sonnett in the shoulder.

“Ha ha very funny. We’ll see” Lindsey replies as she grabs Sonnett’s hand and heads towards her own car. Mal waves and backs out of the driveway and the two lovebirds are finally alone.

Lindsey leans on the car, keeping her and Sonnett’s hands intertwined.

“See babe, you had nothing to worry about,” Sonnett says with a smile. She swings their hands back and forth. “Tobin and I are practically BFFs, and Christen is too, by association.”

Lindsey can’t help but laugh. She couldn’t imagine this night getting any better. She looks down at Sonnett’s free hand and grabs it, peppering it with gentle kisses.

“Thank you for tolerating me today, I know I was acting a little irrational. I’m really sorry,” she says, looking genuinely into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize, Lindsey. I know this meant a lot to you, and I’d do anything to make sure that you’re happy.”

Lindsey wraps her arms around Sonnett and places her head in the crook of her neck. Sonnett squeezes back, and they savor the warm embrace.

“By the way” Sonnett starts, “...I love you too.”

Lindsey’s breath hitches as she drops her arms and lifts her head up to meet Sonnet’s eyes. “What?” she barely asks with a whisper as she feels herself melt a little.

Sonnett places her right hand on her neck and feels the subtle heat of slight embarrassment flood her veins. “I heard you say it back in the car. Well not directly, but you technically said you loved me in general, but I’ll take what I can get.”

Lindsey melts a little more at the sight of her flustered girlfriend. She’s smiling so hard that her cheeks feel like they’re on fire.

“Well, I really do,” she says as she leans in and grabs Sonnett’s chin and tilts her head up to meet her gaze. “I love you.”

This time, it’s Sonnett who’s melting as she leans in with a small peck. Both girls laugh a little as they lean in again, this time their lips connect with more passion, the space between them getting smaller and smaller.

Lindsey doesn’t realize that she’s making out with her girlfriend in her parent’s driveway until the porch light flickers on and off over and over again.

The girls are full on laughing as Lindsey waves off her spying parents. The light finally stops flickering.

“Let’s get out of here,” Sonnett says between a few more small kisses.

Sonnett walks over to the passenger’s side door as Lindsey gets in the driver’s seat. She knows that she’ll never forget this night, this moment, nor the taste of apple pie on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was worth the wait! I wanted to do you all justice so it took me a while to write something that I thought was acceptable haha. Also, I'm sooo sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing so I accidentally deleted all of the comments, but all of your comments are still in my heart. Please let me know what you thought below (I promise I won't delete the comments this time haha)! I really love reading and replying to all of your comments, and any/all feedback is appreciated ;)


End file.
